Hot for Teacher?

With my increase in weight loss I have also has an increase in attention from the opposite sex. I have to admit it is nice to be admired again after years of being a fat chick. How does one handle this attention especially when you like it but have no interest in crossing that line?? I love my husband very much! I hope this phase passes quickly - where it is not so novel! It is playing with fire! I want to stand a safe distance away where it makes me feel warm and nice but far enough away so I don't burst into flames!

Remembering Laura

Today is my niece Laura's birthday. If she was alive she would be 20 years old. She died unexpectedly just after her 11th birthday. I do not know how long grief can last but I still feel the pain especially on holidays, her birthday and the anniversary of her death. I try to think of the positives of her life - the fun she was, how she loved pizza and swimming in the pool. She loved my horses and would ride day and night if we would let her. I remember her long dark hair and her beautiful skin. She loved to enter a room and exclaim "Give a Kid a Cookie!" She was so funny!
With her death she saved at least 6 other children with her organs. This is the one and only bright spot of her death. Do me a favor and give your kids a big hug today! I will always miss my Baby Cakes.

Think of Laura
by Christopher Cross

Every once in a while I'd see her smile
And she'd turn my day around
A girl with those eyes
Could stare through the lies
And see what your heart was saying

Think of Laura but laugh don't cry
I know she'd want it that way
When you think of Laura laugh don't cry
I know she'd want it that way

A friend of a friend
A friend to the end
That's the kind of girl she was
Taken away so young
Taken away without a warning

I know you and you're here
In every day we live
I know her and she's here
I can feel her when I sing

Hey Laura, where are you now
Are you far away from here
I don't think so
I think you're here
Taking our tears away

I have a FAT head!

No matter how much weight I have lost it is hard to lose the weight in my brain. My friends tell me I am looking tiny! WTF? I still see the same old fat me. When does a persons brain start to lose the weight? My brain wants to hold on to that excess baggage like a mirage. The mirage of the past is still shimmering in my minds eye. Even as I pull on my size 10 jeans, the shimmering mirage just sees the fat. When does the mirage vanish? When can my FAT head accept that the fat is gone and gone forever? When I was at my heaviest I never could understand the skinny beeoocches who cried "FAT" as they put on their size 10 jeans. I thought they were nuts!! They were just digging for compliments but alas here I am one of "THOSE" girls. Now people kid me about only eating a half a cracker with a schmere...and I just think they are crazy because I have a "FAT" head!! What size must I be before I think "thin"??

Lost One Hollywood Starlet!!

I updated my weight loss today and discovered that I am now down 93 pounds which is the equivalent of one Hollywood Starlet! Well maybe one large Hollywood Starlet! hahaha I am just glad that beeoch is gone! I really was tired of carrying her around! I cannot believe how much better I feel now!! Yay!!

The Economy

Yesterday I received the news that I will get a salary cut of 20%. That goes along with an extra day off - Friday! Now how can I turn a Friday off into an opportunity? I am thinking of ways to make Friday fun and rewarding! I have applied for a few jobs off of Craigslist for part time positions. I want to earn enough to cover my riding lessons so I can continue to take them without getting the big stink eye from my husband!
The dieting did not go very well yesterday - I fell off the wagon for a moment and had a medium chocolate shake. It was on the way home and I was stressed out from my friend getting let go. I hope he finds something soon.
Yesterday was a mixed bag for me as far as emotions. I spoke with a dear old friend that I had not spoken with in years. He and I reminisced about old times. It was so fun to hear his voice and get caught up with the goings on in his world.
So actually it with the turmoil of the day just falling off the wagon with a chocolate milkshake is probably OK! It wasn't a full pig out of a gallon of ice cream....still taking baby steps!

Joy

Felling joy again from an activity that my previous weight kept me from participating in was unexpected and powerful. I rode a horse again on Thursday in an hour long lesson. I have not ridden in years even though through most of those years I actually owned horses. I was too fat, tired, slow and sluggish. I did not want to subject my lovely mares to hauling my a$$ around! Finally, with the hard work of weight loss I was able to feel good about getting back on a trusty steed. I rode for a good hour with a trainer at a lovely old barn near my home. It was THRILLING!!! I rode better than I thought I could - I guess it is sort of like riding a bicycle - you never forget. It was great. The only mishap was on the dismount when I was sliding off the back of this extremily large Percheron cross - my feet hit the ground and my brain received an emergency transmission from my thighs! "We are sorry to inform you that we are now made of jello!!!' They sort of collapsed and on to the ground I went! The trainer ran over to me, the Percheron cross Sampson looked curiously at me as I sit on the ground and I sat there feeling no injury - just happy!! I cannot wait until my next class. I cried with joy when I told my husband about my class. I drove over to my friends house tell her all about the class. I hope that she will join me with a lesson soon!

Salsa and chips

I think I have found a partial solution to my salsa and chip cravings. I found some multigrain tortila chips. I was afraid they would not taste good but I actually like them better than regular corn tortilla chips. They have such a nice flavor! Anyway I can have my salasa and chips with a lot fewer feelings of guilt and that my dear friends is a good thing!!

I LOVE my new gym!!

I went to my new gym again tonight. It is sooo nice! I was happy to complete about 45 minutes on the eliptical. I set the machine for the weight loss program. I was able to complete it while spending 95% of my workout in the correct heart range. Average HR of 141 with a peak of 160. I am not sure if that is good or not but it was good for tonight! I am so tired right now! It has been a very long day!

Virtual Weight Loss

Here are the results of my virtual weight loss using the web site I mentioned yesterday.

Inspirational photos

I found this great FREE site! You send them your current picture and tell them how much weight you would like to lose up to 50 pounds. They change your picture to reflect the weight loss and send it back to you by email! It is so inspirational to see yourself after weight loss! You can hang the pic on your refrigerator or just keep it in your wallet to remind you of your goal!
Here is the website address

www.weightview.com



I am off to the gym - keep your fingers crossed for me! I am trying to get to Onderland this week! I was 201 again this morning! I think I can do it!! Yipee!! I am down 79 pounds from January of last year! I was 280 at my highest!

A box lunch...

Today I was in a tax class all day long. I thought at lunch we would break and I could run over to the store for a light lunch. Well they announced they were serving a boxed lunch! I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to eat it. I was pleasantly surprised! They had boxed lunches from Panera. I chose a tuna salad on wheat bread. I have not eaten a sandwich in over 9 months! I ate about 1/4 of the sandwich with no problems at all. It was delicious!
I have not exercised today. My brain is so fried after 9 hours of federal taxation instruction!!! I will make it up tomorrow with a vigorous gym workout!
On an odd note - I have been craving salsa for about a month now. I do not know why I am wanting to eat the tomato,onion and chili goodness! Can a person have a salsa deficiency?

Is it possible....

to be too skinny for your fat friends and too fat for your skinny friends? The answer to that question is ABSOLUTELY!! It is so interesting to see how your friends deal with your weight loss! I have seen others struggling with weight issues get upset because someone in the same struggle is losing more rapidly. I have also sadly seen weight loss ruin "friendships". The fat girl in the group holds that position for life no matter her size. It makes the other group members feel better about themselves and they certainly could not take it if they themselves become the fat girl! It is much more comfortable with the status quo! Fat girls should stay in their place!! NOT!!!! It is difficult to find these odd challenges as you lose weight and get a handle on your health. Of course this is not the rule. I have found tremendous support among the majority of my friends. It was surprising to see this too fat/too skinny phenomenon. It happens and I argue that these people are not really your friends. You are merely a placeholder in their group. A placeholder were no one wants your spot.